Meant to Live
by aoi-no-requiem
Summary: Can something as simple as a coin toss change the course of history? Can that which has been lost even truly be recovered? Axel is determind to bring the old Roxas back, but is he even the same person anymore?
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I have no rights to any of the characters mentioned in this story and most likely never will**

**A/N: **I was in two minds whether to upload this straight away or merge it with the first chapter, its a lot shorter than my normal chapter length. However I figured adding this with another whole chapter would be _too_ long and people might get bored. A majority of the story will be in thrid person but everynow there will be short chapters like this. I have no real idea how many chapters this will last for, I'm still working on a few ideas for it. Thanks for reading.

_The darkness surrounded me, suffocating any light in its path. Sounds like the start of a typical story. The darkness will lead it disaster, to fear. People will suffer; feel pain at its emptiness. So many fear it, try to shrink back from its inevitable approach. They give up, allow the darkness to consume them. But all is not lost. Because there is always light. Light that saves the corrupted hearts, that shows the hero the way home. It is the total opposite of darkness. While darkness creeps up on people, light floods a room almost instantly. The corrupted are saved or destroyed, the hero can find his way home at last. There's a lot to be said for light and darkness. Everyone, sometimes unwittingly, allies themselves with one or the other. Sometimes this means nothing, at other moments it means everything._

_But what if you belonged to neither?_

_What if you feared both the light and the dark?_

_The first thing I knew when I woke up was that I wasn't real. That I couldn't exist in light or darkness. The Others say it was the same for all of them, but they held one difference. They remembered what it was light to belong. I held no memories of my former life, I didn't know if I fought for good or evil. I was studied because of this, although I was a member of the group, I knew I was never fully trusted. I know I baffled them. Out of all of us, I should find it hardest to imitate emotions. I had no recollection of how to do it after all. But I felt things so clearly. If I didn't know better, I'd think I was feeling happiness, pain, even love._

_Right now all I felt was fear._

_I knew I should never have left. It was jealousy that led me to do it, jealousy of the Others knowledge. I wanted to know who I used to be, why I held a weapon of light. So I left, simply walked away without saying goodbye. I was a fool to do it, I knew they would never let me live, but I was still willing to try. My life seemed worthless as it was, so why not risk it all? It was clear they wanted me gone; no one tried to stop me. Instead they would wait until I was far enough gone to be called a traitor. Only he tried to talk me out of it. He begged me not to go, but I just kept walking. I knew if I turned to face him my resolve would crumble and I would fall into his arms. For someone with no emotions I was doing a good job of missing him. Part of me hoped he would come and save me, but I also knew it would crush me to see him here. Because if he was here, that could only mean he was about to undergo the same torture that I was. When I left I knew I would probably die, in fact I was expecting deaths embrace. But nothing could have prepared me for the reality of my situation. A man in red, his face obscured, he found me one day. He said he had urgent business with me, so of course I ran. He sent another after me, a silver haired boy. I fought him off and tried to run. It didn't work, and they hunted me down. I thought they would kill me and that would be it. But they didn't want me dead. I was too important. In a way my wish was being granted, I was learning the truth about my past. If only it was from another person. The man in red simply led me to a room and told me about the boy. Sora._

_That's who I am. Or who I was. I was the nobody of a hero, someone important, and someone who was needed. Unlike me, who was disposable. I thought they'd end it for me there and then, but apparently it wasn't that simple. My past life wasn't ready to receive me yet, and I was too troublesome to keep in this state. So they called in the witch girl._

_How could one so small and fragile looking hold such power?_

_She's destroying my memory, piece by piece, and replacing it with a "safe" version. I'm to be kept like a pet until Sora has recovered, then I'll be forced to become one with him again. Even now I feel my memories slipping away, the names of the people I used to see on a day to day basis, even his name is gone from my mind. I can hardly move, they've drugged me to an almost comatose state. I have just enough energy to look at the girl with a pleading look. It was probably my imagination, but it almost seemed like she mouthed an apology to me. She looked pained over what she was doing, which was a small comfort._

_But who is she?_

_And how did I end up here?_

_I try as hard as I can but I can't drag up the memories. I don't want to forget, I don't want to be left in the depths of nothingness. It felt like the light and darkness were fighting for existence of my soul, and I was too scared to leave the twilight I'd become so accustomed to. The last memory I felt her stealing was his face. I clung on to it as long as possible, knowing it was pointless but still trying. Why of all things did she have to steal that? Will I have anything left by the end? I doubted it. I slowly let the drugs take me to a deeper sleep. It would be easier that way._

_My name is Roxas_

_I live in Twilight town_

_This is all I know_


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N:** So I clearly haven't been around for a while. College has taken up so much of my time it's untrue and juggling everything caused me to become ill with stress. Still I've sorted my life out and I'm back :D This chapter may not flow too smoothly, it's been written in many a sitting. I hope you enjoy it. Be warned, its pretty dark compared to my previous works. The next chapter will pick up a lot, this chapter was needed to get everything into place as such

Chapter 1

The castle was a bizarre juxtaposition. It was beautiful, there was no denying it, it was like someone had plucked it from a fairy tale. So easy to picture a lone princesses song coming from the tall towers, rich powerful men and elegantly dressed women floating down the halls. And yet, there was something evil about it at the same time. The twisted spires the pierced the heavens looked violent, like they were trying to assault the angels from the skies. The gardens were filled with sweet smelling flowers, but their scent was too strong as if it was trying to distract you while someone stood behind you with a dagger. Maybe it had once been a castle of happiness, maybe it was filled with pain, but lately it seemed to hold neither. It was as if its heart had been plucked from its core and discarded. Though that would have suited its residents perfectly, after all, weren't they the same? Beings who lacked emotion, the power to love or hate. However the latter was clearly easier to imitate as the arguments they had often filled the halls of the dark castle. Already Axel's day was being ruined by one.

"Why the hell does it matter to you Larxene? He means nothing to you" Axel tried to keep his voice low and calm, but he couldn't avoid the hiss that escaped his mouth.

"It doesn't matter what my reasons are Axel, its up to our superior to decide who goes where." Larxene replied smugly. She had become a lot more daring since the rebellion had started, holding a higher position of power clearly went straight to her head. Axel looked on at Marluxia in desperation. Surely he wouldn't listen to this stupid woman's reasoning; it was painstakingly obvious she was doing this to antagonise him.

The graceful assassin looked up from his desk, his expression a mixture of amusement and boredom. He was used to Axel and Larxene's arguments but this one was particularly interesting. The location of the 13th member, Roxas, had finally been discovered but his somebody was currently searching the castle causing a fuss. It was hardly the ideal time as the rebellion against their former team mates was under way. Still he had to do something about both problems so he had summoned his closest allies to deal with both problems. This argument was an unexpected surprise however. He had presumed Axel would go and recover Roxas with no challenge, yet Larxene seemed intent on taking the job. He had no real idea why and didn't really care, but he couldn't afford to annoy either of them. Whoever was sent to deal with the keyblade would be annoyed, there was no way around it. Unless, unless he simply let luck deal with it. Of course, that was the easiest way to deal with problems like this.

The bickering pair looked up briefly while their new superior pulled out a coin.

"I'll keep this simple, if it lands heads Axel may choose what mission to take, tails then its Larxene's choice."

"That's ridiculous!" Axel spluttered in shock "You know she's just doing this to piss me off. She couldn't care less if Roxas comes back or not. Please let me go and recover him, he trusted me once, maybe that trust is still there. Even if...even if he doesn't remember me" Axel trailed off. Larxene just snorted but said nothing. She knew it was pointless arguing, Marluxia wouldn't change his mind. He simply glared at Axel for his out burst and flipped the coin. He didn't look straight away, simply examined his two lieutenants, as they were. Larxene looked cool and composed but it was clear Axel was highly agitated. He put him out of his misery and looked at the coin.

"It's tails."

Larxene said nothing, simply grinned wickedly and left the room. Just as walked out the door she spoke.

"Have fun hunting Sora Axel, don't worry, I'll make sure your little friend doesn't get hurt. Well nothing that isn't fixable anyway." She cackled and left the room. Axel groaned and slumped to the floor. Marluxia ignored him and carried on working. He'd get over it. Still there was no real time to delay.

"Axel go now, we cannot allow Sora to get any further unchallenged. I fear he's closer to discovering the truth. I think its time we disposed of him for good" Marluxia barely looked up as he issued the command, but he heard the swish of Axels cloak as he left the room. Axel would surely be in a bad mood until Larxene returned but that could work to his advantage when it came down to the fight.

He glanced at the time and realised he had a pressing engagement to attend. He smirked to himself and left the room. Time to visit the witch girl.

Axel walked along in a mood, muttering curses to himself. Larxene had really gotten under his skin this time, though it wasn't like she hadn't been trying in the past. But this time she'd hit him where it hurt, and he couldn't help but consider hidden motivation. It was never straight forward with members of the Organization. There was always someone waiting behind your back with a treaty in one hand and a knife in the other. Marluxia may not be able to see past his own vendetta to realise Larxene had a plan but he could. Though figuring out what it was that she wanted was a whole different matter. All he could think of was the leverage it would grant her. And she would hurt him, the key of destiny. It was in her nature to hurt and cause suffering. She wouldn't need much provoking, just the slightest wrong word from his part would send her into a fury. Axel shuddered to think what she was like when she has a heart, if someone could enjoy inflicting pain this much as an empty shell then god knows what it was like amplified with emotions involved. So wrapped in his own thoughts was Axel, that he nearly missed the telltale sign of new footsteps. When you lived in a castle with only a set number of people it was easy to recognise the sound of everyone's approach. Marluxia's step was strong and confident, the sure signs of a cocky leader. Zexion walked quickly and briskly as he was a boy with no patience for time wasters. And _him, his _steps were slow and careful, like _his _path was carefully planned before he'd even begun his journey. Those footsteps were the ones Axel missed the most. But this new sound, it was unrecognisable. They had power and passion behind them, fast paced and in a hurry. These were the footsteps of someone with a heart. They were coming round the corner, no hesitation of what may lie ahead. That would be the keyblade bearer's first mistake. Axel summoned his chakrams in anticipation. Maybe on another day he would treat the boy to some theatrics, but not today. The sooner he finished this mission the sooner he could try to sneak to Twilight Town and conduct his own rescue mission.

Still, it should not have thrown him like it did when he saw the resemblance. The hollow space in his chest ached when he saw those frowning eyes. Of course they would look the same; they basically were the same person. But Roxas really had been made in the image of the boy in front of him. Sora. A burning hatred filled Axel from head to toe. He knew it wasn't fair, this boy didn't even know he had a Nobody. But because of him Roxas had been stolen. Because of him his memory had been stolen. Because of him Axel may never see his lover again.

"Who are you" the boy demanded, his voice was strong and he had a defiant pout. _Just like Roxas_.

Axel frowned. He still wasn't sure what to do with the kid. When all other Nobodies had been created their Others had been consumed by darkness and became a heartless. But Sora was a walking exception. He should not exist yet there he was, a perfectly normal human. The only one who managed to revive himself from his heartless state. This led to problems. Any other intruder could be killed without worry, but Sora's relationship to Roxas was still unclear. Though a Nobody's heartless counterpart could be destroyed with no consequence this could be different. He knew Larxene's suggestion would be to risk it and deal with the consequences after. In some ways maybe it was a good thing she wasn't here in Axel's place, though it was hardly a soothing thought right now. She was still capable of causing a lot of damage where she was.

"Answer me! Who are you and what have you done with Naminé" The boy's voice was weaker this time, less self assured. Still, he was asking for Naminé already, she really did work fast.

"The name's Axel kid, commit it to memory. Not that you'll have long to remember it" He lunged forward without warning and bought the blunt side of his weapon down onto Sora's skull. It was completely unfair of course, and held on theatrics whatsoever, but now was not the time to be choosey. His mission was done and that was that. He lent over and scooped up the boy's limp body. His breathing was still regular so the blow hadn't been too hard. He had to hurry and get him to either Vexen or Zexion to make the coma permanent. Then he could see Marluxia and beg to take over Larxene's mission.

Marluxia climbed the twisting stairs with a carefree pace. These visits were the highlight of his day, he found no greater pleasure then terrorising the witch. It seemed strange that one who seemed so innocent and serene could hold such wicked power. Not that she would see it that way, any mention of her skills being evil bought tears to her eyes. It was almost pitiful, but they were clearly crocodile tears. She was after all a Nobody just like the rest of them. And a Nobody couldn't cry, they couldn't feel remorse or pain. That was what made them special, what made them superior to others. They could make cold calculating decisions without emotion over ruling and clouding their true path. It also made alliances and feuds easy to break. If either Larxene or Axel crossed him he would not hesitate to kill them. Such was the life of a heartless being.

Naminé was sketching silently in her room so she didn't hear him enter. Good, it was much more fun when she was oblivious to the danger ahead. He stepped silently towards her peaceful figure, watching her precise pencil strokes fill the page with life. She was a beautiful artist, but her pictures were ones of pure evil. His kind of art. He stood right behind her, waiting patiently for her to finish. She added the final touches to the picture after 20 minutes, Marluxia was a patient man. She lent back in her chair and sighed. It was so sorrow filled it may have bought a person to tears, if they had a heart. She pushed her head back, her neck clearly stiff from leaning over her sketching pad for hours on end. Now was his chance.

"Here, let me deal with that for you" he grabbed her neck and began to slowly massage it with his cold finger tips. Feeling her stiffen beneath his finger tips was unbelievably satisfying.

"H-hello again Marluxia" she whispered, her voice wrought with fear.

"You know you really shouldn't work so hard" he said soothingly. "It'll be the death of you. Then again, if your work begins to decline then I will be the death of you!" he laughed mercilessly and pressed his fingers harder into her spine. She winced at the pain but her reactions were not as strong as they were at the start. This disappointed him, she was clearly too used to his games. It was time to step it up a notch. He dug his fingernails into her skin and slowly let his hands wander further down her back, slipping under the flimsy fabric of her dress. She began sobbing almost instantly, the plan was clearly perfect. But still, today he wanted more. He wanted to cause her real pain this time, he hadn't made someone truly suffer in years. He grabbed her by the hair, ignoring her shrieks of protest. There were so many options available, but such little time to decide. What would cause her the most pain and fear, what would cause her to look up at him with those fearful eyes he loved so much. The answer was obvious really. He threw her across the room onto the cold stone floor and used one hand to pin her down. She was so tiny that it took barely any of his strength. He used his other free hand to slowly lift the hem of her skirt. At some point her screams had stopped and become replaced with pathetic weeping. Her struggles were weak as she seemed to prepare herself for the inevitable. But that wasn't enough, there needed to be more pain. He slapped her across the face a few times for good measure. Her neck snapped back and forth like a rag doll, but the sound of a perfect strike was pleasing enough. He was beginning to tire of this game anyway, it hadn't been as much fun as he'd anticipated. Still he couldn't go now without finishing, that just wouldn't be fair on the girl. He was just lifting her dress up those last few inches when the door slammed open.

"Sir, I've found and halted Sora's journey" Axel was standing in the doorway, the scene in front of him seemed to provoke no reaction.

Marluxia sighed "That's all well and good Axel, but can this not wait, as you can see I'm rather busy" Naminé's breathing was quickening as she tried to squirm her way free. He tightened his grip on her neck.

"I would have waited, but Vexen also said he had pressing matters for you to see to. He needs to know where the boy will be kept and what shall be done with him" Axel's face remained an emotionless mask. Marluxia rose slowly and dusted himself down.

"Fine, if I must go then I shall, but if Vexen's enquiries prove as pointless as last time then he shall be punished. Naminé, resume with your work" The Graceful Assassin walked out of the room without glancing behind him, leaving the sweet sent of flowers behind him. Naminé pulled herself up and rested her head on her knees. She was still shaking; the horrific feeling would not leave her. When she looked up she noticed Axel still standing there, his green eyes filled with hate. With one last look of contempt, he too left the room, slamming the door behind him.

Larxene inspected her surroundings. The town was sunny as usual, with children's gleeful laughter ringing through the air. There were very few places on earth she hated more. The happiness this area seemed to radiate was horrifying, she much preferred the darkness of the World That Never Was, or the cold emptiness that filled the halls of Castle Oblivion. Still a mission was a mission, and just thinking about the pain she was causing Axel was enough to make her smile. Axel was usually so cool and composed, it pissed her off trying to annoy him. Everything seemed to just bounce right off him. Everything that is, apart from matters concerning a certain blonde individual. When it came to little Roxas, Axel was almost too easy to bring suffering to. Still she had little choice at the moment, even she wasn't malicious enough to risk angering Marluxia, and though Zexion was a fun little play thing he was often hiding away in the damn basement. How was a girl supposed to have any fun in that stupid place? Still, if she was really lucky then Roxas would put up a struggle, then she'd at least have an excuse to restrain him. Otherwise this day would be painfully pointless. She thought back to the mission briefing, trying to remember where the hell he would be. There was nothing she hated more than a wild goose case. If she was forced to search too hard she would be put in a bad mood and Marluxia always complained when she caused collateral damage. The small fence to the right reminded her, he and his 'buddies' often spent their days in an old unused building, doing whatever the hell children did to waste their lives away. What a clever illusion DiZ had created here, actually making Roxas believe he was capable of making friends. All a Nobody knew in reality was how to look after themselves, and possibly an ally if convenient. It was no real loss if a pact was broken though, that was almost what the Organisation lived for. There had never been such a fine group of traitors and thieves in history. She assumed her mutual agreement with Axel not to get in each others way was now other. She'd been meaning to end it soon anyway, there was something the red head was hiding. Still as far as she could tell it held no real threat to her, so she'd allow Marluxia to take any disloyalty that may arise. Though she had agreed to help Marluxia reach his aims, she would feel no sadness if he failed. As long as she could get away with it then it would just be another small loss. Her coldness and lack of false compassion was the reason she was the only female able to join the ranks of Organisation 13. She walked over to the entrance of Roxas' hideaway, aware of numerous voices inside. Clearly Roxas was already here with his human friends. Or the impression of human friends. After all, this whole world was simply a simulation created by DiZ. The very same kids would be doing something completely different in reality, unaware a Roxas even existed. In fact, she'd have to make a note to constantly remind him of that when he returned to the castle, that would surely provoke a reaction. Though it would be best to do that out of Axel' earshot, it would spoil her plans to ruin both of them if she tortured them together. No, she had much better plans prepared for those two. Though those plans did involve actually capturing Roxas, so she should probably at least start the mission. Smirking wickedly, she withdrew her knives and entered the room.

The minutes were turning into hours for Axel. The second Marluxia had returned he had begged him to let him go and search for Roxas himself, but he'd been refused several times now, being told to wait just a bit longer. It took all his willpower not to create an opening and leave right there and then, but he needed to keep on Marluxia's good side. Unlike him, Marluxia and Larxene had no real obligation to allow Roxas into the castle. Especially now they had Sora. It was Axel alone who wanted, no needed, Roxas to be here. Every day that had passed without him had been another day filled with pain. But still, not matter how much he begged, Marluxia was firm with his decision. No one was to disturb Larxene's mission until he said so. And so Axel waited, and waited. His face was hollow and devoid of all emotion, just like a real Nobody. It took those brisk busy footsteps to rouse him from his self inflected comatose state. Zexion paused as he passed Axel, confusion filling his face.

"Axel, I thought you'd be at the medical unit" Zexion frowned

"Why would I be there Zexion, I'm still waiting for Marluxia to O.K my mission" Axel sighed impatiently. He didn't have time for the schemer right now.

"Oh, I thought seeing him would be more important that missions to you, guess you take your work seriously after all" Zexion shrugged and began to walk away. Axel leapt up and spun the small boy around.

"What are you talking about Zexion, who would I be seeing" Feral panic flooded Axel's eyes.

"You mean you don't know? Larxene bought Roxas back 20 minutes a go. He's in critical condition."

Zexion hardly had time to finish his sentence. Axel was already gone.


End file.
